Consider Making Forward Progress

Three Ideas to Overcome Holiday Loneliness This Season

VITAL

Consider Making Forward Progress

1) Keep some kids (or pets).

Call your friends who have children and say, “Could I keep the kids while you (fill in the blank)?” Shop. Clean. Decorate. Have a date night. You might need to work around restrictions or inconveniences, but do not let it be an excuse to not find somebody to bless during this time.

Your friends just might write you into the will for this one.

Photo by Yan Krukov

2) Help a caretaker.

If you don't know families with children, call a friend who is a caretaker to a parent and ask, “Can I help you (fill in the blank)?” Shop. Clean. Decorate. Sit with their loved one while they get a massage.

This is one you hope comes back to you with double-digit interest.

3) Volunteer

Instead of scrolling through your Facebook and Instagram seeing everybody else’s happy images of the life they want you to think they have, do some searches for some local animal shelters or food pantries or crisis pregnancy centers or women’s shelters.

This may come as a shock to you as it did to me. Soup kitchens, huge ministries and organizations probably have a waiting list of people who want to serve those days. I found out it's not hard for them to find people on Thanksgiving or Christmas.

Instead of shrugging your shoulders and letting yourself off the hook, ask:

• What is another day I could come and offer some assistance during the holidays?

• Could I help with your database?

• Do you have a DIY project I can work on? (Whatever your area of expertise.)

• Could I come the week before Christmas or the week after?

• What do you need?

• How can I help?

Several years ago, I realized I would be alone on Thanksgiving Day. I decided the night before to go to Luby's, get some turkey dinners, drive to downtown Dallas and give them away to homeless people on the street.

Yeah, it sounded like a great idea.

I spent the evening at CVS buying travel-size items and stuffing Ziplock baggies. I got up the next day, humming along, planning my trip to Luby's. Let me tell you, Luby's is not where you want to be on Thanksgiving Day, unless you like crowds who are shoving and pushing, in a hurry, and forgot something on the list. I stood about an hour in the line for people who had forgotten to pre-order, walked what seemed like an eternity back to my car, and put the Ziploc baggies in the Luby sacks already heavy with a full turkey dinner.

I drove to downtown Dallas on a beautiful November day. I was so excited when I saw the very first gentleman standing under the bridge as I turned to go into the downtown area. Yes! So excited to be doing such a good deed. I pulled over and the window. As he came close, leaned over and reached into the car to get the bag of turkey dinner, all of a sudden I froze with fear and thought maybe this was not a really safe idea. The fear passed as he walked away with his prize.

I did things a little bit differently for the other four deliveries. It was not hard to find five homeless people. I'm not sure a turkey dinner was the exact thing they needed but I needed to give it to them. I appreciate their help in making me feel better anyway.

But I have children to deal with!

If you still have children at home, you might be thinking you can’t manage any of these. Again, think outside YOUR box, get outside YOUR comfort zone and make some FORWARD movement in your life. Reach out to see if you can find some help from friends and family to give you some extra time. Or, let the kids participate!

Show them you are taking control of your situation, creating new memories, and enjoying life. I promise you--this is absolutely the best gift you can give them.

Photo by cottonbro studio

NEWSFLASH: People actually go to the movies by themselves on holidays. Remember all those commercials you see leading up to the holidays? “Opening Thanksgiving Day!” “Opening Christmas Day!” Choose one and go....just go. if you can find another alone friend, all the better.

Remember, every tip will not work for everyone. Maybe no tip or idea here fits your situation, budget, timeframe or capability. Have a cup of something and spend some time thinking up what does fit for you. Every time loneliness, self-pity or grief tries to put a stake in the ground of your mind, make every effort to change your thoughts.

I’m rooting for you. It’s difficult, I know. But it’s doable.

**I just uploaded 4 videos on my youtube channel on Betrayal Trauma. Three are sessions with a Sex Therapist who specializes in working with the betrayed partner and one is session with a pastor discussing Gaslighting in the Church when someone has experienced Betrayal Trauma.

Here’s a clip:

Get the link to watch my hour long webinar on YouTube-Breaking the Bonds of Betrayal-Holiday Version (NO CHARGE) along with PDF of worksheets by subscribing here or email me:

Cheryl@TheEvergreenWoman.com (put webinar in the subject line). And please share! Someone you know is hurting and they may be tired of trying to explain how they feel during the holidays! Help me help them please.